Elegant woman (closeup)

Another year

Felicitations once again, Dominique. My birthday wish for you is that you're free to celebrate the day with the one you love best.

Fondly, as always.

  • Current Mood
    hopeful hopeful
Elegant woman (closeup)

Birthday greetings

Happy Birthday, Dominique. I think of you often, and hope you're well. I suppose the fact that you've not felt a need to resume our sessions should be taken as a good sign, but I must confess that Zurich is rather lonely these days.

Do take care of yourself, and know that I'm fully expecting you to be found innocent when the Clearstream verdict is returned.


Elegant woman (closeup)


 Happy Birthday, my dear.  I have the same wish for you that I sent to Vladimir last month ... that the coming year will bring you your heart's desire.  You know that if it's in my power to help make that happen for you, you only have to ask.  

I seem to be taking up permanent residence in Zürich.  If business or pleasure ever brings you this way again, you'll find me at the same place.  It would be good to see you, or to hear from you.

Please have a wonderful day with your family and friends.  Know that you're in my thoughts.

  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative

Journal entry

Thursday evening, 4 May
Hotel Baur Au Lac

Just jotting down some impressions while they're still fresh in my mind.  I'll have more to say later, after I've considered the implications of what happened today.

I had a call earlier this week from ... call him WS, my patient's French friend.  It wasn't entirely unexpected; they've had no contact for almost three months, and the break wasn't of WS's choosing.  Desperation finally overcame reticence, I think, but he had to know even before he picked up the telephone that it wouldn't be possible for me to tell him anything about WD.  But he got in touch with me anyway.

[Real reason for initiating contact?]

I took advantage of the opportunity to ask if he'd be willing to talk to me a little about that last night with WD; there are things I should know about what happened between them, and WD can't help, as he has several lost hours.  WS was with him, though; he's the only one who can fill in some of the blanks.  He was reluctant at first, but eventually agreed to give me a little time to later in the week when he'd be coming to Zürich to meet a colleague.  I warned him that WD would be coming here for the weekend, but WS assured me he'd only be in town for a few hours on Thursday (today), so wasn't running any risk of meeting his friend.

WS is quite charming (as expected).  We met this afternoon in the park, as he was concerned about being overheard; natural enough under the circumstances, but then later he was worried that I might be taping our conversation.  I let him look through my bag  to see for himself that there was no recording device.  That seemed to satisfy him.  It turned out he'd even come up with an explanation for our "relationship" should anyone notice him talking to a psychiatrist.  As far as the outside world is concerned, I'm to be his mistress.  Ironic.  I agreed to play along, but that meant I had to tell him he could call me by my first name; a potential problem shouled he ever consult me professionally, but one I didn't see any way to avoid.

[Note trust issues.  Paranoia?]
I told him what I knew of his encounter with WD; all that I'd been told and all that I'd inferred.  He became more and more distressed as he listened.  When he took up the story, he started from the point where he left the bedroom.  He didn't seem to really know why he felt he had to flee (I use the word deliberately); just said something about "him" coming.  It was clear he wasn't referring to WD.

[An imaginary person or someone real?  Trauma?  Source?]

Then I got to see first-hand what WD has been trying to explain to me without knowing the techincal language.  Instead of continuing to describe what happened after he left the bedroom from an external point of view, calling up a memory, he was suddenly inside the memory and reliving the experience.  It's no wonder that WD doesn't know how to deal with these incidents.  Dissociative states are challenging enough when you understand what it is you're dealing with ... for a layman working blind, and having to do it in secrecy on top of that ... well, WD deserves more credit than perhaps I've been giving him.

[Dissociative behaviour]

By dint of much coaxing I got him mentally back to the bedroom again, wondering why WD hadn't come after him as he usually does, but too tired and relieved to have found his way back to WD to look for an answer.  He simply went back to bed and slept until morning.  When he awoke, he noticed something was wrong.  WD was cold, and WS thought he was dead.  Then without warning WS was reliving a different memory altogether, an incident like nothing WD has mentioned.to me.  I tried to get him to tell me where he was, but he was already coming back to himself, looking and sounding shaken.  He made an excuse about having to leave, and then literally ran away, back to the hotel

[What was the last incident?  Someone dead and a steam-filled room ...] 

I need to think more about all of this, and it looks like I'm still searching for answers about the suicide attempt and the breakup.  I doubt I'll have another opportunity with WS anytime soon.

D/V CANON TRAIL: You are in Volume 09 ("Weekend of Silvio's First Two Nights"), Chapter 01
NEXT CHAPTER: Dominique's first night with Silvio (Silvio 1)

BACK A CHAPTER: Volume 09 | Chapter 01 | Domi calls Kat from his room, meets her in the garden
Elegant woman (closeup)

Thursday Afternoon, May 4th

Note for the Canon Trail: Until we collect these comments in one dialogue form, they span two pages here. The link to the next chapter is as a comment on the second page.

Early afternoon on a beautiful spring day.  Kat is sitting at her desk, making notes for tomorrow morning's session with Vlad.  The telephone rings.  She puts down her pen and lifts the receiver.


Hello?  Dr. Norte speaking.

Elegant woman (closeup)

An early morning phone call

*ring, ring* 

The sound of the telephone is muted, discreet, almost apologetic ... as though calls received at such an early hour of the day can only bring bad news.  Kat looks up from the newspaper and frowns slightly.  Just past 6:00 a.m., so probably not a local caller.  Swan, perhaps, calling from Los Angeles.  Or Vladimir in Moscow; it's two hours later there, and after their last series of talks, hearing from him wouldn't be unexpected.   She puts down the paper, rises, and walks to the desk, lifting the phone receiver just as the next ring starts.

 Hello?  Dr. Norte speaking. 
  • Current Mood
    curious curious

Journal entry

Hotel Baur Au Lac
Saturday evening, 29 April

Stupid.  There's no other word for it.  I was stupid today, and made a misstep that could have been disastrous.  I acted as though I were treating my first patient, not as though I've been doing this work for the  past twenty years.  What was I thinking?

The session with WD started out fine this morning.  I'd read his journal, and we picked up our discussion with the suicide attempt.  And what he said, the reason he gave for his action ... it made me angry, and I let the anger show.  The man has something precious, and while with one hand he's fighting desperately to understand it and accept it and  keep it and make it better, with the other he's doing his best to throw it all away.  But I've seen that before with patients, and it's never bothered me like this.  I've always remained the detached professional ... but this time ... I couldn't do it.  It was David all over again, and I wasn't prepared.  So I lashed out, and shocked him, and then made matters worse by apologising and telling him I'd understand if he wanted to find someone else to work with.  As though that were even possible, given who he is and the delicacy of the situation.  But of course he seized on it, said we were both wasting our time and he'd solve his problems in his own way, and walked out.  And all I could think was "God forgive me; this time he'll do it right". 

I think ... I hope ... I've fixed things.  I saw him later in a different setting and let the doctor-patient formality relax just a bit.  I think he'll stay.  He says he will, and I hope he means it.  We're to have another session tomorrow morning before he leaves Zürich, and I'm going to try to set our next meeting myself, rather than leaving it up to him.  There can't be another gap of months before we talk again.
  • Current Mood
    drained drained
Blank book


Kat's suite at the Hotel Baur Au Lac.  Late afternoon/early evening, Friday, April 28th. 

The door opens and Kat enters from the corridor, alone, closing the door behind her and flicking the lightswitch to turn on the pair of lamps flanking the sofa.  Kicking off her shoes, she walks over to the desk and puts down a small notebook, a stack of index cards, and some fragments of torn cardstock.  She stands looking at them a moment, then gives her head a tiny shake and walks over to a cabinet by the windows.  The inside of the cabinet is fitted out as a small bar, with shelves containing glasses and a selection of spirits and mixers.  The mini refrigerator in the bottom portion of the cabinet contains juices, white wine, and a bottle of champagne.   Fixing herself a drink, Kat takes it back to the desk, stopping on the way to put a disc in the stereo system.  As the room fills with the sound of Mahler, Kat seats herself at the desk, switches on the lamp, and begins reassembling the torn cards in front of her.  She pays special attention to one set of fragments, taping the pieces carefully together and then slipping the finished whole into a manila folder, which she puts inside one of the desk drawers.  The other pieces, when reassembled, become index cards again, and she puts them back in their proper order, slipping them into place with the undamaged cards.  Only then does she put on her glasses, open the notebook, and begin to read. 


OOC Note to vlad_impaler:  Shall we ever have them encounter one another outside the confines of Salon V, where they could talk about other things?  I'm sure Kat wouldn't refuse if Vlad saw her dining alone one evening and wanted to join her, or if they met in the course of a walk. 

  • Current Music
    Mahler -- Symphony No. 5

Journal entry

Monday afternoon, Hotel Baur Au Lac

I had another session with WD this morning.  He did the exercise I'd assigned  (it was difficult for him, probably more so than he was willing to admit), and we spent some time talking about it.  We barely scratched the surface of course, but I was interested to see how quickly he moved the conversation from the general to the very specific.  It wasn't planned, I'm sure, but the very fact that he did it speaks volumes about the thing that's uppermost in his mind.  I think I have the answer now to one of the first questions I asked him yesterday (a question he couldn't answer then).  I certainly have the answer to another question that was posed to him, and that he chose to ignore.

He says he wants to continue working with me, and I'm glad.  He's to call when he can schedule some time for another meeting.  It's certainly not common practice to allow the patient to control the calendar, but there are reasons why in this particular case it's the only thing possible.

There's something else he asked me that I agreed to.  Now we'll see if he's able to  follow through on it, or if, when it comes down to it, he actually tries.
  • Current Mood
    pensive pensive